I cried . . .

You know chatango? It's the site the produced the tagboard at my sidebar. Well, there is a main chat box there, and I sometimes advertise my blog there. And most of the time, people either ignore me or accept my request. No scoldings. =]

But a few minutes ago, a guy scolded me, saying that I should use my time to study, and not to advertise my blog, I rebutted back a little, then I finally said that It's my opinion, and that's his, so I won't force him to accept mine, but I shan't argue with him more, because I'm going to stick with my opinion instead. Then I closed the chat.

At that time, I was listening to songs, and the song changed to a more emotional song, and a little bit of tears welled up in my eyes, thinking back of the scoldings. I don't know why am I so sentimental, is it because I could not take the scoldings? Or is it I could not accept the negative comments because my blog is very precious? I do not know.

Sometimes, I wish that I would not be so sentimental as it is because this sentimental-ness can sometimes turn into jealousy like last year. Sentimental means very emotional, right? Sentimental people tend to think a lot, and last year, I was such a fool, to let my feelings get over me. And I ruined my friendship, and I even used to think that it's their fault. How wrong was I.

And the reason why I do not have a CCA now, is not because I do not want to waste my time on it, is because I do not want to meet people from last year. I'm afraid of meeting them. I'm afraid of the chidings and I'm most afraid of my memories of last year flowing through me everytime I go to CCA meetings. I'm scared.

Just now, one of my rebutt, includes this : Writing in my blog is like studying for English too, as I try to write perfect english in it.

Another reason of my blog, I think, is to let my bottled emotions and secrets that I could not even tell my friends out here. Because, most likely no one in real life would read it. [ Okay, maybe there's a few, as I smsed them the address but some of them won't bother anyway, I know. Those who do, are most likely friends that won't chid me so, it's okay, anyway. ] And I would not be ashamed of it.

This secret, I have kept inside me so long, finally I could write it out. I felt a sense of relief, and well, confession is : I cried while writing this post. I could not help it. I just thought back of last time, and seriously, I feel like slapping myself for ruining a friendship. I was so dumb. So what if I have good exam results? I failed in friendship. * updated - 9.37p.m : I wonder if I did not let my feelings get over me, what would happen now? [ Well, the most likely thing is that my results would be okay-okay, not bottom rock but also not very high =x ] Would the friendship still be broken? Or what? I still miss them, seriously. *

Well well, anyway, now, I shall be a better friend, and would try my best, not to let my friends down by acting stupid anymore. =] JYs ~!